I was reminded recently in a conversation elsewhere that I hadn’t shared this story here yet….

Context: walking with little A, who is a very hyper and cheerful mood and going on at great length about all kinds of weapons she apparently needs for some nefarious purpose or other.

Little A: “…And of course I’ll need a flamethrower…”

Me: “You are not getting a flamethrower. We have already discussed at length why children should not be equipped with knives, chainsaws, tanks or flamethrowers. Nothing has changed since then.”

Little A: “But I’m 9 now!”

Me: “And this changes things how? 9-year-olds. Do. Not. Get. Flamethrowers.”

Little A: “Can I get one when I’m 10?”

Me: “NO. No flamethrowers!”

Little A: “But what if zombies attack? What if we have an actual apocalypse?”

Me (stopping in my tracks): “OK, you know what? If the actual zombie apocalypse happens — by which I mean in real life, with actual zombies, not in a LARP, movie, make-believe game or anything like that — then, and only then, will I get you a flamethrower. Because we will all have even bigger problems on our hands than flamethrower-equipped 9-year-old maniacs.”

Little A: “Yay!” (dances around me in circles, then stops, looking at me with a crafty smirk and doing her trademark evil cackle)

M: “And what are you cackling about?”

Little A: “I get a flamethrower!”

Me: “If the zombie apocalypse actually happens in real life. You realize that’s very unlikely to actually happen, right?”

Little A: “Not if I start it, it isn’t!”

MY GODS. WHAT HAVE I DONE?